More humorous contributions

Okay, okay, so this isn't much of a blog. More like a repository for humor on the web. Well, here's todays contributions.

The EU decides to carry out a worldwide survey of attitudes to scarcity. They frame the following question: "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?"A researcher travels the globe to get the answers.
First to North Korea:Researcher: "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?"North Korean (furrowing brow): "What do you mean by "opinion"?"
Next to CubaResearcher: "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?"Cuban (furrowing brow): "What do you mean by "meat"?"
Next to the USResearcher: "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?"American (furrowing brow): "What do you mean by "shortage"?"
Then to FranceResearcher: "Excuse me, what is your opinion of the meat shortage?"Frenchman (furrowing brow): "What do you mean by "Excuse me"?"

And then onto the Anglosphere-

Cultural Differences Explained:

Aussies:
Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians:
Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans:
Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits:
Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Aussies:
Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits:
Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans:
Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
Canadians:
Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies:
Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
Americans:
Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians:
Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits:
Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans:
Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians:
Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits:
Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
Aussies:
Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans:
Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
Brits:
Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
Canadians:
Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies:
Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

Americans:
Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
Brits:
Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
Canadians:
Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies:
Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

Brits:
Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies:
Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans:
Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians:
Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Americans:
Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians:
Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits:
Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies:
Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans:
Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
Canadians:
Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits:
Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
Aussies:
Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.